💗 Love and Remarriage: Part Nine

It is so easy for people to judge others in a variety of situations! Instead of making an effort to understand another’s situation, many become overly critical. An especially sensitive issue is related to embarking upon a new relationship after losing a mate in death.

In my novel, “Escape From the Maelstrom,” the main character, Karina, aka Aleksandra, is in a state of shock after her husband of ten years, Dimitri, is killed by the Romanov family, distant relatives of his, who, for some reason unknown to anyone but them, needed to have him silenced.

Karina was then on the run, knowing that she, too, was in danger since she was Dimitri’s wife and now, widow.

When friends in the underground bring Karina to a safe haven in Odessa, she finds a friend in Feodor Daletsky, the patriarch of a Russian peasant family, the grandson of whom is connected with the underground group. In just a few days, Karina, given the name of Aleksandra as part of her new identity package, feels safe with Feodor, and they become good friends. Even with the strong chemistry between them, neither Karina nor Feodor, a widower, knows that their friendship is leading to something more.

Let’s listen in as Alek, Feodor’s grandson, and the connection with the underground movement, warns Aleksandra of where her relationship may be headed and why it is not at all wise to continue on that path.

When Aleksandra returns to the Daletsky home with Feodor after an afternoon outing, she goes into the parlor while Feodor goes upstairs. Alec and his younger sisters are in there, but Alek asks the girls to leave and help their mother in the kitchen. Once they are alone, Alek talks to Aleksandra very seriously.

“We are all your friends, Aleksandra, but Sasha, Uri and I are the only ones who are fully aware of your peculiar situation, and we don’t want any entanglements for you. And as far as my grandfather, he is an old, good-natured man, who thinks too often with his heart rather than with his mind. I don’t want him to get hurt.”

Aleksandra was visibly upset by what Alek has said to her about her friendship with Feodor. Alek knows he is treading upon sensitive territory, but he goes on after Aleksandra tries to defend herself.

“He is my friend, I repeat, Alek. I would never hurt him.”

“But you are already. He seems to have taken quite a liking to you. My parents and I are not blind. Neither are the girls, although they may still be quite young. We can all see the looks and my grandfather’s winks. He is a lonely old man who is much taken with you, a pretty much-younger woman.”

Aleksandra denies any such physical attraction, but Alek continues, “I must do something, for I truly feel that, if I ignore what I have seen, you two will one day very soon fall in love with one another. He misses my grandmother very much, and you are obviously in denial about losing your husband so violently and abruptly. Both of you have entered a fantasy world, but you will be leaving us to go to America as soon as my contacts and I can safely arrange it. What will my grandfather do then when you have gone?”

“‘Please don’t cry, Aleksandra,’ Alek said. ‘I know how difficult it must have been
for you to leave Moscow the way you did, without even going to Dimitri’s funeral. You must be torn inside. The pain must be like a deep chasm, but you can’t turn to my grandfather to fill the gaps. You have to face your loss and go through the stages of grief as they come. If you don’t, Aleksandra, you may never be whole again, and in the interim, you may very well break my grandfather’s heart.’”

Aleksandra was at first angry and resentful to hear Alek’s warning and severe criticism of her relationship with the young man’s grandfather, Feodor. Yet, part of her knew there was much truth in what Alek, so mature for his age, had said.

Don’t many people in their desperation after experiencing the death of a loved one, unconsciously evade the stages of grief and attempt to escape from the emotional pain by beginning another relationship. But, as Alek points out in the novel, if you don’t go through these important stages of grief, you may never be whole again.

More about the importance of not rushing into a new relationship, but instead, waiting for a while and slowly grieving for the loved one…giving oneself the time needed to say farewell to that relationship before beginning another! Closure is so important to the one who is grieving!

More about all this in the next post in the series!

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